Trigger Warning – includes themes of sexual assault and rape.
I remember growing up, my parents told me if boys picked on me, they had a crush on me. I was taught at a really young age that if boys make fun of me, I should fall for them. As I grew up, that idea makes me weak in the knees (in the bad way).
When I was 15 years old, I was sexually harassed by my boyfriend at the time. And I’m tired of hinting around the subject.
The summer after my freshman year of high school, I was in a relationship with a guy a year older than me. Four dates into our relationship, we went hammocking and adventuring at a park near his house. It started raining about an hour into our date. He then told me we could to his house and watch a movie. Little did I know that his parents wouldn’t be home… we would be alone. I didn’t drive at the time, and he lived about 30 minutes away from me. I was stuck unless he drove me home. It was then he came onto me. I said no. I said I wasn’t comfortable. Then, he told me that he was not going to drive me home unless I took my shirt off. He laughed, like it was a joke. I laughed, because I thought he was kidding. He kissed me again, and reached down pulling my shirt up. I didn’t know what to do, so I closed my eyes and tried to block it all out. It went on for little while… him asking me to do something, me refusing, him joking, him forcing.
When he was done with me, he drove me home. He broke up with two weeks later without giving me reason.
I kept my mouth shut for a really long time. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and broken. But, the reality of it all is that 1 in 5 women have fallen victim to sexual assault in their lifetime. And that number keeps growing. Sexual assault is often times seen as a cultural phenomenon. The older generations complain that hook up culture and shorter skirts are causing more and more sexual assaults, when the truth is, girls have just gotten tired of keeping it to themselves. We let men walk all over us because it’s easier than calling a boy out. We let men look at us because it boosts our self confidence only to wreck it as soon as we’re alone in the dark. No more.
Last night, that boy retweeted something about sexual assaults on college campuses. A joke making fun of how campus police care more about speeders than sexual assaults, and I just bursted out crying. I started crying because for the first time since that happened I was real with myself.
I am a Victim.
And the problem we all run in to is how to stop it. How do we convince the entire world that it wasn’t our outfits? Because my Nike athletic shorts and an oversized sweatshirt sure as hell weren’t asking for it. How do we convince the entire world that women are not at fault? Instead, it’s the men who are taught if women aren’t offering it up, just to take it. It’s the men who see us as objects, not human beings.
I’m through being quiet. We can’t keep being quiet. Because the longer we stay quiet, the more that statistic changes. We can’t keep looking at numbers, and hearing stories, complaining about how “someone needs to do something about that.” It can’t be fixed unless we try to fix it.
So, fix it with me. Talk about it. Spread the word. 1 in 5 women. Because no more will we stay quiet. No more.
A/N:
Thank you all for letting me be honest with you. I’ve been staring at this post for a few days now, holding my cursor over the post button, waiting on some internal permission to get the job done already. I appreciate all who read my posts. I apologize for being so long between posts… you know, Life.
This blog will probably be like this for a while, off and on posting. I just want to live my life the best I can, and sometimes that gets in the way of my posting schedule.
Thank you.
AD
In War Against Reality 